I had never felt worse my entire life and it was almost inevitable. I felt my life slipping away from me. All I could think was that I wanted to see my child’s face before I closed my eyes, I whispered my wish, the nurse standing next to me nodded lightly and obliged…
I looked at who was, until this miracle came, the only person I loved in life so much that it hurt. His eyes were fearful as he began to walk toward me, everything seemed so slow. I knew he knew, and all I wanted to do was be strong and be there for them but I knew that wasn’t possible anymore. They brought the baby swaddled in a light colored blanket. I was surprised that his eyes were so big, wide open staring into my face. I took him from her in my arms and he felt so heavy, that’s when I really knew I didn’t have time. Nathan leaned over and kissed me lightly and I smiled at how great that felt, and how amazing that moment was and it hit me suddlenly that I would have no more moments like this…
And as the regret and sadness began to set in I felt myself going, I wrapped his little hand around my finger and I looked up at Nathan and I knew that they were going to be fine without me, I felt peaceful, as I watched his tears stream. The nurse took him from my arms, I smiled at my baby boy at my hysterical husband. He reached for me as my eyes closed, and I desperately wanted to reach back, but I couldn’t. I wan’t sad because even if I wanted to be, the peace that fell over me wouldn’t allow it. So I succumbed. And just like that I was gone.